why do birds
you are near
and how do u
to fit that many
birds in ur mouth
to begin with
Nothing says summer like being pushed back into the ocean because a group of kids think you’ve beached yourself.
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On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean
*sees hot guy
*winks, contact lens falls into coffee, sips coffee, gags on contact lens
*mouths* “call me”
*personally visits the 7 friends who continually trap me in a rather chatty text message group & punches each of them in the face*
My phone says connected but somehow I don’t feel it
I always click the unfollow button with my middle finger .
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
Dressing up as the grim reaper while at work in the ER is not amusing says HR. So uptight.
I leave my milk for 5 minutes…
Me: “I like you.”
Date: “I like you, too.”
Me: “Well this just got boring.”