@NoogsCorner

*notices it’s not even 8am*nn*been tweeting like a boss…*nn*…to 5 insomniacs*

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@rudy_mustang

STEM major: what are you learning in school

Kindergartener: shapes and colors

STEM major: lmao good luck getting a job with that

@treydayway

I can’t watch movies made before 1998 because the gas prices in the background of scenes make me too angry

@Grommit56

Imagine the excitement of the first scientist to travel between parallel dimensions. He’ll be beside himself.

@roxiqt

ME: [googling Why Do I Have A Migraine?]

GOOGLE: You need caffeine. You drink too much caffeine. You need sleep. You sleep too much. You need to eat. Food can cause migraines. The weather changed & you should’ve figured out how to control that. You need to go back in time and-

@RandomManik

I stole a seat from an old man and he remarked, “Chivalry is Dead”.

I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. He wasn’t even trending on Twitter”.

@SCbchbum

Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.