@cravin4

Now I know why women like guys with big hands…. so they can’t eat all the Pringles.

Well played ladies, well played.

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@SatansTongue

HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU

BURNING SINGLES NEAR YOU

1ST DEGREE BURNED SINGLES NEAR YOU

DEAD SINGLES NEAR YOU

??? ????’? ??? ????

@SamGrittner

If my funeral is open casket my only request is that I have cucumber slices over my eyes.

@JasonLastname

If you ever see a ghost DO NOT put a sheet over your head and make noises. They find it offensive.

@Beatonm5

someone explain to me 72 hour protection deodorants and antiperspirants.
If you bathe everyday, that like defeats the whole purpose right??

@dukelongboard

When I was 13 my dad gave me a bunch of socks n said “I heard u grunting in ur room last night, do it into these” So now I poop into socks

@JaneBadall

So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery.

@shadygeekdad

Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her she’s overreacting. She’ll realize you’re right and calm right down.

@dxblarssonENG

It’s weird how all the UFOs started disappearing once our cameras got better.