@SamClark_23: Now I understand why girls get so mad when you tell them to calm down because today I was fighting with a coworker and my Apple watch told me “take a minute to breathe” and on God I almost threw that thing into the Mediterranean.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@nthall350: The zombie I shot earlier may have just been a kid with chapped lips. I don't take any chances.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: I guess it all started when I was younger- Her: Sir, unless there's a problem with the gas pump, don't push the button to talk to me
@Snarfernini: There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family
@Elizasoul80: Adulthood is like the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy tries to runaway from her problems, but then SURPRISE, there is also a tornado.