@WhitneyCummings: Now I'm getting threatened with "we have access to your iCloud." I'll be honest, I stand by most of my nudes. Frankly I'm way more embarrassed by all the inspirational quotes I've screen grabbed.
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@david8hughes: Me: will I find a wife Fortune teller: no Me: u didnt do the thing with the cards Fortune teller [flips one card, maintains eye contact]: no
@belleykell: Motherhood means never questioning why you found a Stormtrooper in the toilet just now
@McGrumpenstein: I put my pants on like everybody else: in constant fear that my button will surrender to the intense pressure it’s under.
@SaddestTiger: sometimes i call watermelons summer pumpkins and nobody ever knows what im talking about.