A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior.
Obama: any good ideas in how to defeat isis?
*Biden raises hand*
Obama: besides assembling the Avengers?
*Biden lowers hand*
You Might Also Like
friend: and wyd after?
me: sleeping for work tomorrow
Bird: *standing in middle of road challenging me*
Me: *swerving and driving off cliff* you have won again bird
Everytime I see my see my neighbors having sex in their hot tub, I think to myself “I can’t believe I’m recording this”
gang fight between two rival Celtic dance schools in an alley after parade – nothing but curls and bits of fabric knotwork everywhere
I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.
Is anyone else worried that software engineers with no people skills are teaching our future robots people skills
My foot wants to interact with your face. 😐
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you’re looking for a business manager.
*i got to get into bed but theres a walrus in there*
*i ask him politely to move*
*he wont move*
*i have to sleep on the floor & im annoyed*