Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a “judgment free” zone…unless we’re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Obama:*sits down and whoopee cushion makes fart noise* what th- JOE
Biden:*tears in his eyes, points at trump* HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE
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Thought it might be fun to go on American Ninja Warrior. Then I tripped over a rubber dog bone in my living room and put that dream to bed.
Got home late to a note that said “Wake me up for sex”, which I stared at for 10 mins before realizing it was my own handwriting.
After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding. Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia.
5, to her brother: I’m going to punch you in the head.
Me: We don’t hit. Keep your hands to yourself.
5, to her brother: I’m going to kick you in the head.
ME: [whispering]”Yes, 911? Someone’s breaking into my house!”
911: Stay calm. Do you have an address?
ME: “um no. I have on pajamas”
Just saw a couple jogging together and it inspired me to stay on the Internet
Me: I’m pregnant
Him: oh no
Me: with emotion
Him: oh, whew
Me: because there’s a baby inside me
[finds money in jacket]
[finds more money in pants]
Today is my day. On a roll
Boss: will you please take my jacket & pants off?