Sometimes I squat on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward
Cuz that’s how I roll..
Objection your honor! He’s badgering the witness lmao
*Courtroom erupts in laughter*
Badger: Ok seriously I’m a lawyer and deserve respect
You Might Also Like
hey maybe ur parents care so much about ur birthday becuase it celebrates how long theyve been able to keep something alive for
Guys I don’t think the people who run the world are very good
*crouches down, does some cute baby talk*
*no reaction from baby*
*stands up slowly*
You’ve made a powerful enemy today, baby
You: make yourself at home
Me: *throws all the broccoli in the trash*
[5-year-old and 3-year-old scream at each other]
Me: Is that how your mom and I settle arguments?
5: You want me to sleep on the couch?
me: i always get so hungry when i’m high, want some taco bell?
driving test instructor: no
The biggest thing I learned when I got married was how much I made up lyrics to songs…
*pentagram starts to glow*
YES! RISE DARK LORD! RISE!
*Satan tosses pillow through portal*
UNGH 5 MORE MINUTES!!!
My spirit animal is an upturned turtle.