my son would be amazed if I showed him a first generation iPod because we’ve never met
Of course I know the difference between right and wrong … wrong is the fun one
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Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow…alcohol is 1 in 5.
You play your game…I’ll play mine
Me: I’m so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me: it took him a couple bytes
“What a brave fashion choice!” is the ninja of insults.
I got audibly prayed at by a woman clutching her crucifix necklace in the queue at Flying Tiger, whilst I was buying some black candles. I think it’s safe to say the cape is working.
I do really good on my diet for like 8 or 9 hours, and then I wake up.
The pen is mightier than the sword if you have a really good pen and a really shitty sword.
Reminder to any new followers…Ancestry.com is NOT a dating site…lesson learned…like 4 times.
Not the best name for an apple employee.
You know you had yourself a weekend when the kids wake up Monday morning in the same pajamas you put them in Friday night.