@parsfarce: [some dude doesn't like me] who gives a shit [a cat doesn't like me] why

@zoevsuniverse: 4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant. I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said: "I never want to do that again."

@geowizzacist: Me: I've had a breakdown. Tow truck company: Where's your car? Me: Car?

@YourKyness: If you’re a sex worker, and you don’t end all of your client interactions with “it was a business doing pleasure with you”, I think you’re wasting an opportunity.

@Crutnacker: Biden: I painted "Michelle Obama 2020" on your bedroom ceiling Obama: 😳 Biden: Glow in the dark paint