A large group of other people’s children is called a “Nope”.
Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation..
~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand
You Might Also Like
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I’m available.
My girlfriend hates when I correct her grammar. She’s like “What’s with all the red pen marks in my diary?”
my daughter: dad I want you to meet my new boyfriend
me, modern and woke: okay great
my daughter: he’s a bee
me: *clenching my jaw* okay great
[Riding a saddled turtle]
BATTLE TORTOISE, GOOOO!!
[turtle just goes normal speed for turtles]
her: the car isnt working. you need to do something about it
me: sure *to car* GET A JOB YOU LAZY CAR
her: i meant a mechanic
me: i really dont care what job
When I play the kazoo, I play to win
A family of crows flying into a windmill is a murder suicide