Them: ‘It’s a long story.’
Me: ‘How does it end?’
Oh, I can’t check my disobedient child with the rest of my luggage? You’re saying I have to carry-on my wayward son?
You Might Also Like
*writes “with my squad” under a picture of me and several cats”
An astronaut squirrel, a snail that meows, crab with a whale as a daughter. Dear creators of spongebob, pass the drugs.
Make good choices because ghosts are stuck with the haircut they died with.
Your dog is hyper if he skips his afternoon walk.? Oh please. You should see my raccoon after a can of Mountain Dew.
“Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches” – I’m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
me: I’m stuck in a time loop
friend: *sighing* is your watch on too tight
me: my watch is on too tight 🙂
When making small talk at a tweet-up, avoid using the word “fungus.”
*daughter grabs 50 shades of grey*
*smacks it out of her hand*
“I want to color!”
ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK
DON’T CALL ME THAT
if you hold a crab up to your ear you can hear what it’s like to get attacked by a crab