Oh, lovely. You’re doing your jogging in the street. Where cars drive.

You Might Also Like


Detective: Where were you on the night-
Me: Twitter
Detective: Between the hour-
Me: Twitter
Detective: I wasn’t fini-
Me: Twitter


im about to go on a date. im sure it will be perfectly normal and wont go viral or anything…


Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling.


I always wanted to die like a king.
According to the increase in my cheese intake it looks like that king will be Elvis Presley.



“Can you hold scissors?”


“Welcome to SuperCuts”


You know its my phone if it looks like someone fingerpainted the touch screen in donut glaze.


This is your captain speaking. We… Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We’re out of fuel.


Life was so barbaric in the olden days. Imagine hitting snooze on a rooster.