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@CantWaitToNap: Oh my God. Where are you?
Car keys: LMFAO
@geowizzacist: Me: Everything ok?
My 4yo (in the next room giving the carpet a haircut): Yep.
@amydillon: "Adults are lame. After they have kids, they never do anything exciting."
-my son, blaming the victims
@beefman138: What's your stance on public intoxication?
Mine is very wobbly.
@rickolantern: Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones
Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich
@BradNewsBears: Cashier: Hello
Me: Is it me your looking for... I can see it in your eyes..
Me: Sorry, this is my first rap battle.