if you have flat coke lying around in the kitchen, do not trash it, you can make a coke casserole. very simple recipe. here it is.
1. add tbsp. wow you’re still reading this.
2. maybe it’s time to logout, champ.
Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.
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Don’t embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is open in public.
Just be a man, walk over there, and slowly zip it up for him.
The last time I had sex, there was a dinosaur in the cave with us.
Dr: How can I help you?
Me: Can you make me look like this?
Dr: Ma’am, that’s a picture of Hello Kitty.
There is no wrong response when someone tells you they have named their pet after you.
[Dragging 3 whining kids through mall] No thank you, mall kiosk employee, I’m not interested in trying “something amazing for my hair.”
20 years of House Hunters and Hugh Laurie is still alive and kicking. Thank god they don’t seem to be very good at it.
*at plastic surgeon’s office*
ME: Make me pretty.
SURGEON: How about implants?
Me: No thanks.
SURGEON: I can replace your arms with sharks.
ME: You have my attention.
I’m currently helping my husband look for his chocolates that I ate last Friday.
Never judge Darth Vader’s parenting abilities harshly when we live in a world where Toddlers In Tiaras exists.