I think we should elect Bernie. When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have heart attacks and die.
Oh, please… A few us get together, shave our heads, turn our property and money over to a charismatic leader, and SUDDENLY it’s a cult!
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It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I’ll consider this my workout for the day
Marriage Tip: Always be dumber than your spouse at math so you don’t have to help your kid with his math homework.
Husband: “Lost my keys again.”
Wife: “It’s in your Jeans.”
Husband: “Come on, Why do you have to Drag my family into this!”
The ancient Egyptians loved cat videos.
pros of being a jellyfish:
-gelatinous body type.
-sting the shit out of anything that tries to hug you.
Give a man a fish. Sure, why not? Go around giving strangers weird fish gifts. Who cares
Hey remember that snarky insult you threw my way three weeks ago? Well now I have comeback so please repeat it.
The problem with rich people is you’re not one of them.
Muchacha is my favorite Spanish word that sounds like cows dancing.