@living_marble: Oh sure, the continents get to drift forever and it's "a natural geologic process" but when I do it I'm "wasting my potential."
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@JustMeTurtle: It shakes the bottle vigorously or else it gets the pre-ketchup.
@NewDadNotes: Bully: [crying, arms shaking in exhaustion, knocks kid down a 32nd time] 10 y/o Chumbawamba: [gets up again]
@TylerLinkin: My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
@DanMentos: mortgage broker: You’ll need proof of stable income. me: no problem broker: Where are you currently employed? me: Spirit Halloween
@Poutymcgee: *chugs down my 6th glass of wine and slams it on the table Can I hold your baby?
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