Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@OxbloodAbernthy

I’ve lost more friends to Candy Crush than Crystal Meth.

@MrGeorgeWallace

Shout out to that 18-year-old bottle of hydrogen peroxide in your medicine cabinet.

@Gupton68

*gloating* I just broke the internet

Narrator: He dropped the WiFi router.

@AllieGoertz

For those who don’t know the difference, GRAPHIC NOVELS are COMPLETE stories, where as COMICS are people I try not to date any more.

@andylevy

Neither candidate addressed the fact that we have a Hulk

@junejuly12

Burning bridges was a lot easier when 7 out of 10 people had lighters in their pockets.

@thestlouisan

Who’s the idiot who named the song ‘The Sound of Silence’ and not

@TheAndrewNadeau

[Giving my eulogy]
GIRLFRIEND: He was beloved for his many funny tweets, such as,
*Scrolling*

*Scrolling*

*Scrolling*

*Very slight chuckle*

*Scrolling*

Okay I actually don’t see any I like but he talked about it a lot, so I assume he was good.

@CulturedRuffian

I ruined my diet to finish the last 5 donuts in the office because my coworkers are on a diet too so yeah, I sacrifice for the people I love