Golf is my favorite sport for getting your spouse out of the house for hours on end
“Oh sweetie, it’s AMAZING! I’m going to save your artwork forever*!”
*until you go to sleep and I can bury it in the garbage so you won’t find it.
You Might Also Like
I SAW ON THE NEWS THAT SOME GUY IN ANOTHER STATE DIED ARE YOU OKAY – my mom
“Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires” – Smokey the NRA Bear
– Do you want to have sex?
– Don’t you think you’re going a little too fast?
It’s called support maybe you’ve heard of I.T.
Me: what do you want for lunch?
3yo: a pickle.
Me: a pickle is not a meal.
3yo: two pickles.
I highly recommend anything.
I wanna get HAMMERED tonight.
Yeah, drunk as hell, bro.
Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*
DOCTOR: You need to excercise portion control.
ME: Thank God. For a second I thought you said I needed to exercise.
oh nowwww everyone wanna know what introverts do for fun