I speak 3 languages. Unfortunately no one else in the world speaks 2 of them.
Oh you hid the snacks? Sorry, I majored in finding snacks
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*walking down street with friend*
Well, this is me.
*jumps in front of bus*
Hansel: how are we gonna get home
Gretel: we should leave some sort of trail
Duck: [pitching voice] how about a trail of bread crumbs
If I’ve already used “For sure”, “Right?”, “No kidding” and “Seriously”, your story has gone on too long. I am out of responses.
*nervously adjusts fedora in Starbucks lineup
I’ll have uh, um, a mediu- I mean vanti, uh, mochacachito?
Patrons: HE’S A FRAUD! GET HIM!!!
[ice cream parlor]
WIFE: I’ll have two scoops of vanilla
ME: me too, u could say I want an
WIFE AND CLERK: please don’t
ME: ice cream clone
Me: I’ve gone my whole life without having any hearing problems.
Middle age: Hold my beer.
No thanks, Downward dog.
I’m already busy with Downward spiral.
Body language can be so subtle that only an intuitive person can read your mood. Body slams, I have found, are far more direct.
I need a new hobby, like archery or heroin.