*strips off clothes, stands on desolate highway holding sign saying “Last Naked Guy For 75 Miles”
“Oh you just put lotion on?
You’re not going anywhere.”
You Might Also Like
Just picked up an unknown call with a “Hello?” An old woman said “Joan?” So, I can cross “mistaken for a Joan” off the bucket list.
If Christmas decorations were meant to go up in November then surely they’d be called novorations.
I’m just a short girl, sitting in a car, being strangled by my seat belt.
Women have a good 6th sense. I smiled at a girl in the mall once. When I got home I opened the door and my wife met me with a drop kick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage should be between a person who hates pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
[falling asleep, my hand dangles over the side of the bed]
[a pale ghostly hand emerges from under the bed, slides its cold dead fingers between mine]
Me, squeezing back: Awww.
*gets coronavirus* but that’s impossible i have toilet paper
I’m rabidly against plagiarism, but I guess if you’re going to steal something, a Columbus joke at least makes sense