“At your cervix, m’lady”
– me as an OBGYN and also just me
Oh you love your mom? Name three of her albums
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People who use a vacation day the day after Christmas to have relatives over clearly don’t understand the meaning of the word vacation.
I’ve just found a mole on my shoulder.
I don’t know how he got out of the garden but he’s cute.
3 years into a relationship and you get a text “i need space” loooool lets sell some furniture then
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Facetious. Because I like to use all vowels, in order.
“You’re too drunk, I’m cutting you off”
– You sound like a dork
“My potions are too strong for you, traveler”
– Conveys the stakes of the situation
– You probably have a sword or maybe a wizard staff
– You gotta leave tho you puked in the tip jar
The opposite of a backhanded compliment is a blessing in diss guise.
[Yelp review for Mario Bros Plumbing]
Ate my mushrooms, killed ALL my turtles, stole my coin collection. 1 star.
I think at my age the next tattoo will be more responsible like a dragon across my back but doing his taxes.