Ok I won’t subliminally ask any more subtraction problems, but I only did it 6 or maybe 3 times. What’s the difference?
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You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?
[At job interview]
Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job.
Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
Cop1:did u hear about the kidnapping?
Cop2: should we go help?
Cop1: No it’s ok he woke up.
This fall on CBS
“Good Cop, Dad Cop”
Therapist: And what do we do when we’re sad?
Fleabag: Go to church.
Fleabag: To flirt with the priest.
Don’t drink water and stay hydrated it’s a hoax
Feels like the fourth month in January
My sister let me borrow her newborn baby so I could meet girls at the mall.
Also, If you’ve found my nephew Jake, lemme know
Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that didn’t let it’s daughter go to prom
I never understood “spidey sense.” The last 400 spiders I threw a shoe at didn’t see it coming.