@AngryRaccoon2

Ok, so there’s “senior’s parking,” and “expectant mothers parking” at the grocery store.

Where is the parking for “Undermedicated, on a short fuse and probably shouldn’t be out in public?”

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@Nikkeya08

6 said he isn’t sleeping in his room cause the tooth fairy sounds creepy but he left the tooth cuz he needs the money.

-No DNA test needed

@9to5Life

Megan, but with an H? Whatever you say, girls named Hmegan.

@IamJackBoot

I would watch Real Housewives if it was like Game of Thrones and they would occasionally and suddenly behead one of the main characters.

@Roohani19

Apparently, “he’s an army officer” isn’t the correct response to “who’s your daddy”.

@Ochie2S

[Brings date back to my place]

Date: It’s kinda cold in here

Me: Why don’t you join me under this blanket?

Date: eh..I dunno

Me: *shaking mom awake* can you scooch over abit

@GrabTheWEness

It was an unfortunate incident, but at least Doug learned he should never lick his light saber after using it to cut chocolate cake.

@InternetHippo

My advice is be an absolute scumbag for the first 20-30 years of your life, then everyone will be super impressed when you start doing the bare minimum