@DrakeGatsby: Old Spice 14-in-1 body wash, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, moisturizer, toothpaste, super glue, mouth wash, shaving cream, caulk, aftershave, lube, energy drink, cream cheese
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@lordratsquirt: Running with scissors is stupid. Throw the the scissors ahead of you and run to where they landed. Repeat until you arrive safely at your destination.
@internetluke: [leaving HS reunion w/ date] Aren't you going to ask why everybody was calling me 'smelly boy' tonight? "Seemed pretty clear I thought"
@mrjohndarby: [before meditation] I just wanna kill someone [after meditation] and I know EXACTLY how