@vikkaroni

OMG, GODZILLA IS COMING TO ATTACK NEW ENGLAND AND WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE-oh, he said huge blizzard, not lizard… Carry on then.

You Might Also Like

@Divergentmama

I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% a passive aggressive mom but if you called once in awhile you would know that.

@liv_thatsme

Well, I was in a huge hurry until you started driving 1 inch from my bumper. Now, I’ve got all the time in the world.

@myonlymizztake

*Buys Samsung smart fridge. Opens app every 15 minutes to see if there’s anything good in there*

@SammySkinns

Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I’ll paint your ceiling.
*To himself*
Errybody gon be naked tho.

@Swishergirl24

I’m white, but not like “has a golden retriever named Chance” white.

@jamdugg

Pretty much everything I know about Caribbean geography, I learned from that Beach Boys song ‘Kokomo.’

@AbbieEvansXO

Penguin 1: [staring sadly out of plane window]

Penguin 2: [supportively puts a flipper on his shoulder] there’s no shame in arriving at the annual bird convention by plane, Colin