@pleatedjeans

OMINOUS CHANTING
*pentagram starts to glow*
YES! RISE DARK LORD! RISE!
*Satan tosses pillow through portal*
UNGH 5 MORE MINUTES!!!

You Might Also Like

@whatkylasaid

We only cook with fresh, local ingredients so tonight we’re grilling our neighbor’s cat.

@Rica_Bee

I think the least the government could do right now is cancel calories, do they even understand how much cheese is needed daily to eat one’s feelings

@sannewman

Fun prank: a YouTube white noise track of ten hours of “Rainfall In a Forest,” but, at the seven-hour point, you can hear two people walk past planning a murder

@lecalabara

I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.

@discountzen

I went to walmart today. I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof. This always happens to me.

@TR_Wilson

don’t smoke pots because they are made of clay and can burn your tongue

@thatUPSdude

Cop; Know why I pulled you over?

Me; Because you got beat up in high school

Cop;…….

Me; Because you got beat up in high school, Sir?

@simoncholland

[at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy]

*raises hand*
What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car