[on date]

Me, thinking: Compliment her, but don’t be weird.

Me, out loud: You have healthy-looking gums.

You Might Also Like


Feet is the plural of Foot
Geese is the plural of Goose

So by extension, stop calling it Jeep, it is only one Joop


Irritating friend: I passed your house yesterday.
Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that.


My boss: “Sean, what do you know about Twitter?” Me: “nothing. Why? What have you heard?”


“Mommy! That sign says 35mph and you are going 42.”

“Thank you honey, this is a great learning opportunity for me


A speedo is just a man’s way of saying “not today girls”.


I think the term copycat serial killer is a bullshit term. They can’t kill the same people as the other guy


Contrary to popular belief, people will still try to talk to you if you are wearing reindeer antlers.


So many things changing daily.

For example, now DTF stands for Don’t Touch my Face.