They say that wherever you travel becomes a part of you. So I’m pretty sure I’m 98% living room.
On predisents day we honor the big US man himself: Aberham Liclon. Tall, skinny, dry, and cruncy – he was america’s carrot
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I’d watch more Olympic figure skating if they had defense
Ugh Starbucks spelled my name right again and now I have nothing to Instagram.
date: i’m looking for a guy who doesn’t just want me for my body
me: [trying to impress her] well i think your body sucks
Enter a cafe. Ask to see the menu. Say, Have you got anything a mouse would like? When they say No, whisper into your sleeve & leave.
the council will decide your fate
Me – I’m not in the mood to work today
My bank account – you better GET in the mood
I grew up just a stone’s throw away from where that whole family died of mysterious head injuries
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving…
“Dad, you called me my brother’s name.”
I’m sorry *30 second pause* little dude.