@abbygov: Once I told a man he looked like Jeff Goldblum & he was like “who’s that?” So i pulled up a pic &he said “oh my what a compliment he’s very handsome.” Then as he was walking away, my friend walked up to me & was like “I’m pretty sure the guy you were talking to is Jeff Go
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@OneFunnyMummy: My 3 moods: 1. I'm too tired for this shit 2. I'm too old for this shit 3. I'm too sober for this shit
@withanewname: Wife: "Bad day?" Me: "Stupidhead boss treats me like a kid." Wife: "Now now *pats head* eat your nuggets before they get cold."