Once, just once in my life, I’d love a guy to grab me, pull me in close and whisper

I’m hunting wabbits.

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Scary: A wolf chasing you
Scarier: A werewolf chasing you
Scariest: A werewolf with a clipboard chasing you


Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out


*in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i’ll see you ladies inside


Before I had a child, I never knew that quietly disposing of a balloon could feel so much like a murder.


Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased


“LOLZ”? Really? Did you laugh so loud you fell asleep?


I love killing for fun
“Sociopath! Arrest him!”
I mean I love hunting
“Why didn’t you say so my good man, want to kill together sometime?”


*Carries a bookmark to that fancy restaurant with the extensive menu card.*


Sure stepping on a Lego is painful, but have you ever twisted your ankle tripping over a cold and shamed Natalie Imbruglia lying naked on the floor?