Adobe update is ready to install *gazes longingly into the distance*, but I don’t think I am.
One advantage of being a woman is no one can surprise you with a kid years later and tell you you’re the mom.
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“daddy where do babies come from”
“we just don’t know, sweetie…*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* “…we just don’t know”
Too bad the dinosaurs didn’t have a Bruce Willisaurus to fly into space and blow that asteroid up.
Alright, I finally gave in and signed up for MySpace. Where is everyone?
Hey Dads who think that being home with the kids alone is called “babysitting”. You’re wrong. It’s called “parenting”. Not the same.
Queen: I have just born two twin boys. Which one will end up taking the throne?
Advisor: let me take their temperature
Advisor: ah, this one is running a fever. He shall be king
Queen: how do you know?
Advisor: everyone knows warm heir rises
[GF comes home to find our son alone]
Where are you? I said to watch him like a hawk!
ME: [soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice] I AM
Whenever I see anyone tweeting about donuts, I think “ugh”. Not because I’m disgusted by deep-fried sugary treats, but because those are the letters I want to insert into the spelling.
Date: I decided to take a year to backpack across Europe before going back to Harvard Law.
Me: *eating spaghetti through a straw*
I watch birds sometimes and wonder, “If I could fly, whose car would I crap on?”