Witch: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
Rapunzel: … Why tho
Witch: I wanna climb the tower
Rapunzel: Have you- have you seen the news? It’s close quarters up here
Witch: C’mon I gotta talk to you
Rapunzel: Can I just drop you a Zoom link
One day I hope to be doing so well that people accuse me of being a clone
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There is no doubt in my mind, I would trade my ovaries for another liver.
If you insist on changing someone, do it without their knowledge….Like by poisoning their food.
ME: ill have the fish & chips
MERMAID: are u serious?
MERMAID: *tries to storm off but ends up just flopping around a bit*
ME: I’d like to be your quarterback
MANAGER: This is a Dominos
ME: The sign said “Hiring All Positions”
MANAGER: [pauses for a moment, then takes out a Jersey from his desk] Touché
I was really tired today and then I ate something healthy and soon after had energy. Why aren’t more people talking about this?? Just one more thing They don’t want us to know I guess
I casually mentioned to my cat that I’ve petted many animals in my time, and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said “How many?”
Who puts a banana in their pocket anyway
The cat knocked over my coffee in the home office this morning and I’ve reported her to HR. In other news, HR has hired my cat.
This wine tastes like everyone can go make their own dinner.