One man’s cougar is another man’s grandmother.

You Might Also Like


Why are ghosts and angels depicted as semi transparent is that what happens when you die they just turn your opacity down


ME: I’ll sleep on it.
ME: So wrap it up. I’d like to sleep on it tonight.
MATTRESS SALESMAN: Oh, you want the… ok.


Damn girl, are you a maple tree? Cause I would tap that, and you have an impressive root structure which is where this metaphor falls apart.


I just want to be rich enough to say “that won’t be necessary” when the police go to handcuff me


(My first day as a Judge): Bay leaf! Season the prisoner!


Me: … Well this is embarrassing


“That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose.”

Plastic Surgeon:
“Good! That’ll save me some time. Send her right in.”


My first base coach won’t let me practice kissing, I hate baseball.


I think I stand a pretty good chance this year. I hear the Simpson kid is down two more toes.


I’m holding my head high and my middle finger a bit higher.