@Sassafrantz

[one month later]
Sorry, just got your text. Do you still want to break up?

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@moose_chocolate

For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.

@KidDynamite496

Renaissance Festivals are back and improved with an actual plague for more authenticity.

Huzzah!

@LuvPug

I’m only a vegetarian so people won’t invite me anywhere

@Swishergirl24

Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you’re rock climbing.

@FromMinivan

My high school son works at a grocery store and I went through his checkout line with wine. He called a manager for approval.

M: Did you proof her?

S: She’s my mom.

M: OK but she may not be 21.

S: That’s biologically impossible.

M: No it’s not.

*My son is 16.

@momTruthBomb

A lot of parenting involves doing really nice things for your kids, and your kids making you regret that decision instantly.

@HomeProbably

I’ve never had a problem stepping up to the plate.

We’re talking about food, right?