[one month later]
Sorry, just got your text. Do you still want to break up?

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For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.


Renaissance Festivals are back and improved with an actual plague for more authenticity.



I’m only a vegetarian so people won’t invite me anywhere


Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you’re rock climbing.


My high school son works at a grocery store and I went through his checkout line with wine. He called a manager for approval.

M: Did you proof her?

S: She’s my mom.

M: OK but she may not be 21.

S: That’s biologically impossible.

M: No it’s not.

*My son is 16.


A lot of parenting involves doing really nice things for your kids, and your kids making you regret that decision instantly.


I’ve never had a problem stepping up to the plate.

We’re talking about food, right?