@garrydavenport: One of my "100 things to do before you die" would definitely be "call an ambulance".
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@Adar79Angie: I let friend's kid call my ex & say "Are you really my daddy?" while I'm in the background yelling "hang up the phone,he doesn't want you!"
@Twits_Giggles: It's amazing how patiently people will wait in line behind you when you're buying tampons.
@Gupton68: [ER] Dr: ...major cardiac event, you must improve your diet Me: But I eat tons of fruit and veg D: Such as? M: I have ketchup on everything, salad in burgers, pineapple on pizza, a Bloody Mary at breakf— D: *switching off life support* Nurse, record time of death as imminent
@pplwtching: If someone says, "right about now" and you don't respond with "the funk soul brother" we can't be friends.