@dimplesticks

One of my biggest fears is going to America and asking for a biscuit only to be presented with some weird scone type thing and gravy

You Might Also Like

@HousewifeOfHell

College Math: Your kid lives in a dorm room the size of a matchbox. When she moves home, her belongings fill every inch of an entire house. How is it possible? Calculator allowed. Show your work.

@squirrel74wkgn

“Sir, are you interested in the satellite radio upgrade?”

…uhhhh, for driving in space?

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

Me: *shopping for turtlenecks*

Amazon: People who bought this item also bought lye, plastic sheeting, and a chainsaw

@JohnLyonTweets

My family crest is a hand protectively shielding a slice of pie and a Latin motto that translates as “I’m still working on it.”

@3sunzzz

It takes my husband longer to choose a rental car online than it did for us to choose the names for our sons.

@HomeProbably

I was asked to babysit once but it didn’t go very well.

You’re not meant to sit on them.

@QwertyJones3

HER: I’m a member of my local Rotary Club.

ME: [trying to impress her] Yeah I hate touch tone phones.