@myonlymizztake: One of my coworkers keeps stealing my lunch, so I included my favorite cucumber today. Hope she likes it.
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@pharmasean: I grew up in a very sheltered household. Our house had 17 roofs. We had alcoves upon alcoves. I wore a tarp wherever I went.
@Mr_Kapowski: My favorite sushi bar is the one where you can yell "ARF, ARF" like a seal and the chef throws raw fish in your mouth
@jamdugg: *in ambulance* Me: Hey if I said you had a nice defibrillator, would you hold it against me? Paramedic: (blushes) Nooooo... Me: *dies*
@just1fool: The last beer didn't tell me why life is so confusing but it told me the next one would.