Seriously hackers, y’all gotta do better. I don’t need leaks from HBO, I need my student loan balance reduced to $12
One of my favorite memories is of the time my sister threw a pocket dictionary at me and my mom told her to go to her room and think about how hurtful words can be and then laughed to herself for like three minutes
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Him: I like powerful women.
*dresses up as a rhino*
JK ROWLING: dumbledore and grindelwald had sex
JK ROWLING: so did you and dobby
JK ROWLING: you will never feel love like that again
my mom: curfew’s 9:00
me: please mom i’m in a gang now
me: how about 9:15
Make a horror film less scary by putting old timey words in the title, i.e. The Thingamabob, Jason Goes To Heck or The Hills Have Peepers.
Jesus: Hold my wine!
DOCTOR: Yes, stripping to the waist is necessary for this check-up
ME: uh ok. Should I do it too?
DOCTOR [flexing biceps] yeah if you want
my Face ID only recognizes me if I have a cookie in my mouth
“Oh my god I can’t believe someone would pronounce my name exactly how it’s spelled!!!”
– people with stupid names
Han: Leave us alone, you fat slug!
Jabba: *speaks Huttese*
C-3PO: The mighty Jabbs says your words are hurtful. He has a thyroid problem.