@alldrolledup

One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week

You Might Also Like

@mattsurely

Oh really well you thought four inches was HUGE when we were talking about spiders.

@DHCBerndtson

I still cannot believe that we found a crab with these markings at Friday Harbor Labs this summer. We named it “Sad crab” and it now lives happily in a HUUUUUUUGE tank at @MarineBiol_FHL. Sad crab, I stan you.

@Adam14

*wife looks through my phone

*divorces me 8 times

@andylassner

iPhone 6: For people who don’t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.

@primawesome

Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. We think we might be in love with your call. We made your call a mix tape.

@CulturedRuffian

ODE TO TWITTER

🎶Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder where you are,
Twitter changed you to a heart,
I don’t think they’re very smart🎶

@TheCatWhisprer

I’m only human — unless I have to figure out a captcha, then I am unable to prove that I am a human.

@SortaBad

“..all the king’s horses & all the king’s men couldn’t get Humpty together again”
*raises hand*
What guy thought horses might figure it out?