@LuvPug: One of my foster dogs chewed up my credit card and now my husband wants to keep him
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@boonecomedy: Oh ok learning the difference between doing one thing a day that scares you and one thing a day that scares your doctor
@JB1971_: Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "You are gonna hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet." Kim: "I'm pregnant?!" Doc: "No-" *a tiny monkey walks in* "This is my nurse."
@sarcasm_inc: *at a loud house party* Is this your- I SAID IS THIS YOUR HOUSE? I NOTICED THE DOG BOWL. WHERE IS HE OR SHE, I'D LIKE TO PET HIM OR HER