@slooberbie: One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.
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@markydoodoo: why do people say “i better sleep on it” when it’s like a serious thing they need to think about? i have dreams where i eat a tomato full of bees. how is that supposed to help my life choices?
@JayCee302: Me: "I really like this car" Salesman: "Yeah and it also has a latch in case someone gets stuck in the trunk!" Me: "Eh, what else ya got?"
@SatansTongue: *el chapo dies* God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell Chapo: ok *3 weeks later* Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell