@caseytduncan

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”

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@Pro_Jones_

I’ve been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote “never change” in my middle school year book.

@dumbbeezie

Don’t take this wrong but if I see another baby Star Wars character I’m gonna dismember everyone

@Awk0Tacoo

I just found out that there’s a dating site for people with mullets and the people who love them. Lol! *looks over shoulder* *signs up*

@putyoursisterd1

Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people.

@RVGisFUNNY

I just read an article about a man swept out to sea during a baptism. I guess that’s God’s Way of saying “Nope”.

@oldfriend99

“Wash your hair. Wash your body.” Some of my best ideas come to me in the shower

@dafloydsta

[speed dating]

Her: THIS IS NICE

Me: I’M HAVING FUN TOO

Her: WHAT KIND OF DRUG DID YOU SAY THIS WAS?

Me: IT’S CALLED SPEED

@ssholeEric

Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook:

A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption “me”

@myonlymizztake

Pluto is no longer a planet, and the U.S. might have a 51st state soon.
Looks like 3rd grade was a total waste of time.