I’ve been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote “never change” in my middle school year book.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
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Don’t take this wrong but if I see another baby Star Wars character I’m gonna dismember everyone
I just found out that there’s a dating site for people with mullets and the people who love them. Lol! *looks over shoulder* *signs up*
Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people.
I just read an article about a man swept out to sea during a baptism. I guess that’s God’s Way of saying “Nope”.
“Wash your hair. Wash your body.” Some of my best ideas come to me in the shower
Her: THIS IS NICE
Me: I’M HAVING FUN TOO
Her: WHAT KIND OF DRUG DID YOU SAY THIS WAS?
Me: IT’S CALLED SPEED
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook:
A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption “me”
Pluto is no longer a planet, and the U.S. might have a 51st state soon.
Looks like 3rd grade was a total waste of time.
Damn you bladder stop releasing my precious beer.