It’s Election Eve, Not Election and Steve!
One of the kids just asked for family game night like we weren’t already fed up with each other enough as it is
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“Hey spirits, talk to us”
W H A T S U R F R I E N D S N A M E H E S C U T E
ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work
ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom
WIFE: so kill it
ME:[whispering] its got my gun
You literally misuse the word “literally” every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally.
Inception [2010, Psychological thriller] a group of people fall asleep – 148 mins
Academic paper protip:
end your Conclusion section with
“just as the old woman in the forest predicted”
“in defiance of the prophecies”
No one is reading any of these tweets. Feel free to unburden yourself. I murdered a drifter once. Wow. That feels great. Now you.
i have a very sore throat & your suggestion of a shot of whiskey only helped in the way that i no longer care about my extremely sore throat
Nothing brings a family closer at graduation than a flask.
Still looking for the Christmas presents I hid last year.