[first day working at a movie theater]
guy: can I get one large popcorn
me: no but I can give you like a million regular popcorns
one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie lmaooooo… it’s a good movie smh
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I wish we could still defeat bullies with synchronized dancing like in the 80s
Nothing worse than talking to a person with a large amount of spit in their mouth that talks really fast. HOLY SHIT…My glasses r ruined
You’re not allowed to make up words. It’s illexical
Sometimes I just like to sit on the couch and do nothing for 3 years.
someone clearly didn’t think this through
5yo: if superman & batman had a big fight, superman could throw him into space where he’d suffocate’. I’m raising a problem solver you guys.
Fox News knows we can google stuff, right?
My kid: “I want the new iPad like my friends, everyone has them”
Me: “And I want to vacation in Hawaii..disappointing day all around huh?”
executioner: you may choose your punishment
executioner: no, like a weapon
me: oh. spearmint