@VerbsRProudest: One time I knocked my hot curling iron off the sink & caught it in my open palm because I have the catlike reflexes of a dim-witted ninja.
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@sammyrhodes: There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
@BostonFanJosh: Q: What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike? A: The place they are aiming at.
@juliussharpe: I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy.
@4boding: My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she’s learned enough in school. She’s 5.