Looks like Brenda in Accounting drew on her angry eyebrows today…
One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
You Might Also Like
In a meeting.
Can I go first? Thanks.
Gets up and leaves.
Instead of catching your child every time they fall, teach them how to effectively execute a tuck and roll.
Not now brain…
…this is a job for stupidity.
Wife: Valentine’s day is right around the corner.
Me: No worries, so is Wal-Mart.
me: my horse won’t eat
vet: ok there are several-
me: I think he’s a haytheist
vet: you don’t even have a horse do you
I ran a whole 5K and didn’t even eradicate cancer
I’m alone and trying to fasten a bracelet, so I’ll be 3 hours late for work.
if you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say, “in jesus name amen”
Me: how can I prepare for this meeting?
Friend: we can do a mock interview
Friend: why should we hire you
Me: wHy ShOuLd wE HiRe yOu