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*inside camp-out tent*
“Wanna hear-”
*puts torch under chin*
“-a scary story?”
*flicks torch on, it vibrates*


Oh you’re a fan of egg whites? Name 3 of their albumens


Netflix: Are you still watching?

Blockbuster: 😭 yes


Who would of thunk it folks, having a mask, rubber gloves, bleach and hand sanitizer is now acceptable to have in your vehicle.


My sons having a few friends stay over tonight

Hockey mask *check
Chainsaw *check

Hopefully this will be the last sleepover for a while


I keep having to put away a lot of shoes for a family who hasn’t gone anywhere in 7 weeks.


*first day as getaway driver

“I’m gonna make a Starbucks run while you’re in the bank. Who wants what?”


Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it’s day off.