I’m so pro-life,
I believe life begins at erection.
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*inside camp-out tent*
*puts torch under chin*
“-a scary story?”
*flicks torch on, it vibrates*
“OMG. ITS. NOT. A. TORCH.”
Oh you’re a fan of egg whites? Name 3 of their albumens
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
Netflix: Are you still watching?
Blockbuster: 😭 yes
Who would of thunk it folks, having a mask, rubber gloves, bleach and hand sanitizer is now acceptable to have in your vehicle.
My sons having a few friends stay over tonight
Hockey mask *check
Hopefully this will be the last sleepover for a while
I keep having to put away a lot of shoes for a family who hasn’t gone anywhere in 7 weeks.
*first day as getaway driver
“I’m gonna make a Starbucks run while you’re in the bank. Who wants what?”
Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it’s day off.