@alldrolledup: Only 350 more followers until I casually mention the benefits of Amway.
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@fro_vo: [driving home from a party] MRS. ELEPHANT: you're still upset aren't you MR. ELEPHANT: i can't believe they just ignored us like that MRS. ELEPHANT: they aren't worth it, just forget it MR. ELEPHANT: *slams steering wheel* you know I can't do that linda
@LlamaInaTux: Me: *patting my wife's belly* we have something to tell you Her Mom: what? Me: *patting her mom's belly* I have a new disorder that makes me do this Her Dad: are you serious? Me: *patting his belly* yes
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Are these your kids? Boss: "Yep" They're gorgeous! "Thanks" Step kids? "Nope" Adopted? "No.." .. ".." She's cheating on you.. "Get out"