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@dixonshuman: Only 4 beers left in house. Time to find new house.
@Smooheed: Him: I love to feel my hair blowing in the breeze
Me: please put your pants back on
@Jake_Vig: Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say "I'm not actually a Nazi"
@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: Do we have any orange juice?
ME: I don't think so
WIFE: Well do we have any orange juice concentrate?
ME: I AM CONCENTRATING!
@SkinnerSteven: "I'm halving a baby!" - King Solomon
@MrBigFists: Just once I would like to hear an athlete thank God for their talent and their pharmacist for everything God left out.