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@dixonshuman: Only 4 beers left in house. Time to find new house.
@sad_tree: *a dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center*
Put it all on Grey
@waydybee: Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
@dshack8: KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I'm not committed to it actually happening.
@TheMichaelRock: Prescription commercials are always so touching until the last minute or so when they explain how their product could kill you.